friends forever- oh wait never

i once told you, that if you ever died it would kill me inside. but since our friendship died, the pain never seems to go away...and i think a piece of me did die with our friendship

stupidness

idk what i did...i try to forget you..but y cant i? ...why do you hate me so? all i ever do is try to help you...which is more then other people did, who just sat back and watched. why is it that ppl cant take the truth...why is it that they would rather be friends with some one who just sit back and watches and lets them do what ever they want...why cant people be legit!...but no,,,its all covered in your damn ass mask! oh! BULL SHIT TO YOU!! i tired all all of it...grow up and get over your selves...your life could be worse!! yeah you know who you are...why not just let your parents know who you really r ??!?!? there freaking gonna find out sooner or later...maybe your life might possibly be better if you werent alway lieing to your parents... maybe just maybe...you might actually be someone...rather then wasting your life hating everything and treating everyone like a piece of shit!! stop feeling sorry for yourself! get off your lazy butt ass and do something other then talk about what you wish you had!...cuz! GUESS WHAT!! you mosty likely wont get it..if ur sitting on your ass all day....

a different life

everything is different. its kinda weird. my close friends i hardly ever see cuz they live forever away. and then my other friends, some i used to be close with, some im not really sure if im close with , and then everyone else i see somethimes. i have this new friend..hes pretty cool haha...well i guess i have a few new friends ...:) my bible study on sunday nights rocks, as does the bible study leader...shes kinda my new remodel ..haha its cool...i deff feel like im changing, thats kinda cool and weird at the same time as well...idk im like rambling haha...oh! and i gots a job :) steak n shake...one of the mangers thinks il go far haha...to bad he doesnt know i dont plan on being there more then 3-4 years...and then personal trainer! bam! haha :) its gonna be pretty wicked awesome...the people i train wont know what hit them..and i will deff tell them steak n shake is a BIG! no!no! haha well unless its in moderation.....i really wanna work with the morbid obese...because its such a biiigggg issue in america...and personally it makes me mad and sad at the same time that a person can get that way....

oh! and i have decided i have a phobia of being in a relationship...idk why ..i think its from past experiences or something...yeah thats like a blahh blahh blah blahh story haha but anyways its weird....sooo i have decided to get over my phobia ...the next person who asks me out...ima gonna say yes!... its pretty crazy ...but ima gonna do it...unless that person is my ex or is a creepy stalker..or a a ax killer...yeah then its a no lol.....no one knows this though ...so we shall see what happens hahaha...

free at last!

i am FREE! honestly and truely. i have been finally able to let it all go. ive tried to do it for so long. but now i can honestly say i am free. your memory will always be there, the memory of who you once were. i pray one day you will achieve your hearts goals and praise God for it. but i am free and i have fully given everything i ever felt for you and against you up to the Lord. and i can't wait to see what the future has in store, what God has in store! iv taken my past out to the curb, and dumped it. it does not define me. it never did. I AM FREE!

Luke 17:32
Remember Lot’s wife!

all you are is a fading memory

i hate you!. i cant hate you!..im so angry sometimes and then other times its like you never existed. i miss you. im tired of this. i wish i never meant you...now it doesnt even matter, cuz all you are ..is a fading memory...you are off to college somewhere and so am i...its done...and i doubt you even care...or even know how much you hurt me..

what you will never know

the truth is. i miss you! i miss you allot! like it kinda hit me tonight...we used to be tight, we used to be like best friends...what happened?? i never wanted this...i would rather never have met you then want this, i miss you....and you dont care... you dont know...you dont know how much of a friend you met to me, and i guess you never will...cause its all over now... its done...i hate the fact that i have to see you each day...i hate the fate that we sit next to each other in school...you dont know, thats how it is...i see you but, never really see you, im just another person on the side to you. you will never know how much you meant to me, you will never know how much i hurt. honestly a hate the fact you were ever in my life. you went away. it was all over. its done, you lied. i was right. i knew this would happen and for some stupid reason i let it. maybe because i had a small hope it wouldnt happen. but that hope left, when you did. i miss you and its hurting me allot

Treat gently the pieces of my heart.

another poem from my friend <3

Tears don't fall for no reason at all,

They speak louder than words can express.
It's not some toy you're playing with,
Treat gently the pieces of my heart.
I am damaged at best,
I know you see it tearing me apart.
I'f you'd love me like you say,
I'd really be okay.
Tell me I'm alright,
Is closure really out of sight?
I may not be completely broken,
But it doesn't mean I'm not fragile.
Treat gently the pieces of my heart.
I'm not some stupid girl with her emotions.
I know I'm wrong,
I've made bad choices,
But darling hear me plead.
Don't rip my heart out just to watch it bleed.
I couldn't bear to loose my soul,
But neither could I loose your love.
I think I'd die right now if not for such,
But seems anymore it's only pain instead of love.
So treat gently the pieces of my heart,
And I swear to thee I shall do my part.
I'd treat gently the pieces of your heart,
If only you would show it.
I love you to death sweet darling,
But I'm not sure you even know it.
I hope you know,
It breaks my heart not knowing.
Not knowing if you know,
But is knowing everything?
Isn't it... or is the fact enough?
Known or not?
So darling, it's final.
Treat gently the pieces of my heart,
And I'll let it be known that we shalt not drift apart.